Projection? Who, me?
“Projection? You project. I am objective. I observe.” That’s our ego talking to us or someone else. The actuality is our ego develops slowly in increments and is often barricaded behind a belief that it is the center of our psyche and that it always knows who we are and what our motives are. Well, it most certainly does not. The older you get the more you will know about your many selves, and when you look back you will realize there is a gradual movement towards becoming conscious of your whole self.
People often ask me, “How do I start doing Shadow Work?” I tell them we have to really accept that projection is real, that we all do it. One of the primary ways to begin to do inner work is to accept this fact. Then and only then can we acknowledge that we can bring unconscious contents to the surface if we truly want to. Notice what drives you up a wall in others. What makes your skin crawl? And then the opposite is also true. What fascinates you? What do you get mesmerized by? Where do you lose yourself by projecting a part of you out? We don’t know where they end, and we begin unless we are willing to engage in honest self-examination.
Carl Jung said it like this, “How do you find a lion that has swallowed you?” It takes an attitude of I want to know myself, all of myself and love myself completely. We cannot change or heal what we don’t know or love. Whatever enters our lives for good or ill has meaning. Journaling our thoughts and experiences and reflecting on what happens in our daily interactions is essential. We all project shadow parts of ourselves out onto people, events, objects, groups, and sometimes even our animals can carry our shadow for us.
My former business partner could not stand one of her dogs. He was too slow, and it drove her crazy. So much so, she would find herself being mean to him. She herself had the Moon in Taurus which has the inherent characteristic of being very slow to do anything. She finally had to get rid of the dog. It was much later when she and I started doing shadow work and studying Astrology that she figured it out. He was reflecting a part of her own energy. This is descriptive of how we each get rid of whatever or whoever we are projecting out onto as it makes us extremely uncomfortable to be in their presence. And we will justify our actions saying to ourselves that they are this or that, and I can’t stand that.
We get divorced. We trade one partner for another. We reject a life-long friend. We shame our children and find faults with their lifestyle. We demonize and devalue a race, a nationality, or a religion that we are perceiving in a negative light. In other words, we find a scapegoat in the outer world, and we think we have now gotten rid of them when what we are actually doing is running away from OUR OWN dark side.
When I say dark, I am not talking about “evil per se” – not that it can’t become evil – it can if it remains hidden too long. Usually our dark side is only what is hidden from us. My work is to help individuals and their relationships with each other, as Jung believed, it was the ONLY way we would see change in the world. If telling everyone to be good and shaming each other into this or that religion or metaphysical ideal worked, then we would have seen peace in our world long ago. Instead, shadow projection collectively is increasing, and Jung believed that our only salvation was to do our own inner work. Every one of us counts towards healing this split that divides us.
Here are some more examples of what projection looks like in real life with individuals.
1) You are like that, I am not. I do not identify anything in myself with the way I am seeing you at all.
This happens spontaneously. We have no control over how it happens. Projection is not of our own volition. It is the unconscious that projects itself out as it wants to be known. An example would be to see someone as being very hypocritical, dogmatic, manipulative, selfish, greedy, egotistical, narcissistic (that is thrown around a lot these days) and becoming repulsed by what we see in someone else.
2) We get someone else to carry it for us. Often a child, a spouse or even a mother-in-law — someone we can’t exactly get rid of. Unconsciously, we allow that to happen if it suits our persona or self-image. That way we can blame them for being the way they are, and we remain innocent, right and good.
An example of this would be someone who identifies with how happy go lucky they are, and they pride themselves on that they let nothing bother them. Their husband or wife is the opposite — always in a black funky mood, easily irritable and dominating the emotional energy in the relationship. Remarkably, when you look at both birth charts, they will have very similar energy. It’s uncomfortable to own it, and so, unconsciously, they get the other person to live it out for them.
3) We are acting out our unconscious negative shadow characteristics all over the place. Everyone can see these characteristics in us, but we cannot. We remain completely unaware of our own negative behavior.
When two or more people point something out to you about yourself, a good rule of thumb is it is no longer chance. If you feel misunderstood and resent what they said, then know they are seeing something about you that is still unconscious and has become a part of your shadow.
4) We badly need that part of us so it will follow us around and get bigger and bigger as we refuse to see it. As the saying goes what we resist, persists.
Sometimes, people mirror for us not something we are doing, but a quality that we actually need to develop. This offers potential for improvement in our own character if we express it with some temperance. Maybe we are too humble and self-sacrificing and need to develop the quality of confidence, learn to toot our own horns a bit more or be more self-focused if we are sacrificing ourselves all over the place.
5) OR we fall madly in-love or put a halo effect on a person who reflects back to us our unconscious and hidden parts. This is the gold in the shadow so not all of shadow projection is negative. Jung said 90% of our unconscious is gold. Brought into our awareness, unconscious shadow parts can actually become very helpful and productive aspects of our character.
Rebeca Eigen
Rebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook specializes in relationships. From every day decisions, to critical life-altering moments, Rebeca shares with you her practical wisdom and guidance for your life’s journey in becoming who you are meant to be.
https://www.shadowdance.com/
