Understanding Our Relationship Patterns
Our relationships are probably the best training grounds for wholeness that we can possibly encounter. It is hard, if not impossible, to see yourself in a vacuum all by yourself. Carl Jung says the unrelated human being lacks wholeness because we do need each other to see ourselves, and life certainly obliges us if we are willing to see that the person in front of us is indeed a mirror. I truly believe that all painful past or present-time relationships were, and are, exactly what we needed to see our whole self.
There is a teleology in the Universe that is seeking to help us as we unfold our true nature. Teleology just means it is leading us somewhere. This understanding can give us the insight to resolve issues, differentiate ourselves from others and the wisdom to admit we need to grow from these experiences that have brought us both joy and pain.
I am also not talking about just romantic relationships. All of our relationships, whether they are with lovers, friends, siblings, coworkers, bosses, neighbors or even our own parents and children are a part of our very sacred path towards wholeness and healing. Every painful lesson learned is always for both people, always.
You might doubt that and say, “What? My co-workers too?” Yes, your coworkers too because we are all energy. For thirteen years, I worked with a corporate marketing division and everyone (all six people) in marketing were either Sagittarius Sun, Moon or Rising and they all thought that was a coincidence. I knew it was not and by the way, I too have the Moon in Sagittarius which rules publishing, sales and marketing.
There are no accidents. None. Zero. Zip. Life is internal, not just external. Inner states of consciousness are being reflected back to us much like an infinity symbol. I will say it again as it is really fundamental to understanding how astrology works, what is inside us is outside — all the time.
Self-knowledge is paramount as we cannot change anything in ourselves that we don’t know or that we do not accept. Acceptance of our shadow or that we even have a shadow to begin with is probably the first and biggest hurdle to face.
Everyone is made up of many different characters and some parts of us interfere or contradict other parts. This is one of the many reasons why knowing our astrology is helpful to us. Exploring healthier ways to live and embody everything in our birth charts consciously is to me the hero or heroine’s journey.
The Alchemical axiom, “As above so below, as within, so without,” clearly informs us that we are all energy. When you can live your life with this awareness, you will know the Universe has always had your back. You just didn’t know it, and the constant victim consciousness of the Piscean Age will no longer be a viable option.
Two Centers to the Psyche
Carl Jung postulated that there are two centers to our psyches. Our conscious ego and the unconscious Self (with a capital S which I will explain in more detail in a future issue) so what we know about ourselves is like the tip of an iceberg as so much of our being is in our unconscious.
Depth psychology says that our psyche is a closed system which means that everything that has ever happened to us or around us is in our unconscious from day one. We can’t even remember what happened last week so there is a huge store house of history that we all carry with us into our relationships. Even past lives (seen best by the nodes of the Moon and our 12th house energy) are influencing our everyday emotional reactions and decisions.
Our psyche is a three storied Universe. Our conscious, our personal unconscious and the collective unconscious. Our personal unconscious is the repository of many forgotten memories, painful ideas that are repressed (i.e. purposefully forgotten), subliminal perceptions and contents that have never reached consciousness or are not yet ready to reach consciousness.
The collective unconscious is where myths, primordial images which constitute the archetypes that astrologers know as planets reside and where we are all connected and truly one beyond time and space. These archetypes are drives or patterns of psychic content, ancient imprints that constitute a dynamic process going on in our psyches. Because each of us is made up of a variety of archetypes, splinter personalities can get repressed or split-off from our conscious awareness — these Jung called our Shadow complex.
Learning to do Shadow Work which is our first step into our own personal unconscious can help us know what in us is operating unconsciously.
There are 5 things to keep in mind when we begin to do shadow work.
1) Resistance to seeing our shadow self is normal, and no one accepts it totally overnight.
2) We will learn to develop more compassion for ourselves and others as we are all in process.
3) It takes moral courage and ego strength to see our dark side (i.e. hidden contents). Remember, there’s gold in there too!
4) A trusted friend, astrologer, or therapist to discuss what we discover is needed.
5) Shadow work never ends. It is a life-long retrieval process, so no one is finished.
As we are growing up, many natural parts of us get shoved out of our awareness. Our parents, our society, our teachers, religious and other authority figures will tell us that who we are is not acceptable. Even though this is a necessary part of becoming civilized human beings, at some point (usually the 2nd half of life after a few broken relationships and numerous experiences of feeling rejected by others), we will want to know who we are. This is when we will start to reflect and recognize patterns.
I still remember how it felt to really understand the truth of the statement that there are people inside us that we don’t know. It was like having a light bulb go off in my mind. Wow! So that explains why I said what I said when I didn’t want to say it! Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever asked yourself, “Why did I say that?” “Who inside of me said that?” Sometimes we will shock and surprise ourselves and when you don’t understand that the unconscious exists you can feel really badly about yourself.
Every month I will describe more about how to become conscious of our unconscious archetypes and briefly describe the Zodiacal signs one at a time. This month we will describe the sign of Taurus. Keep in mind, you may have the Sun or the Moon in Taurus or it can be your rising sign which puts the opposite sign (180˚) in your 7th house (marriage and partnerships). As I did last month with Aries, these descriptions of Taurus are going to be some general characteristics of the sign which is ruled by the planet Venus. Here are a few possibilities of what could become unconscious.
Taurus – the Bull/the Builder
Taurus is the 2nd sign of the Zodiac (approximately April 21 through May 21), and this signs primary needs are security, permanence and acquisition so its values are linked to what it can possess and make constant. Developmentally, it is from about 18 months to about 4 years, so this is the child starting to explore what it can own and call “mine.” Archetypally, this sign is drawn to pleasure, comfort, and ease, so it is patient and slow to get its feathers ruffled.
Taureans are soothingly calm and gentle, and you cannot rush or push them as they will not yield. This is the most stubborn sign of the Zodiac, and before Taurus makes a move, they will determine whether it’s worth it to them.
Attracting partners is easier for them because they ooze a warmth and sensuality, and they need a lot of physical touch to feel related to others.
It’s sometimes hard to get them out of their home as this is the proverbial “couch potato” who can boringly stick to their carefully chosen routines.
Security conscious and basically conservative, they can save their resources so that when the time is right, they can take advantage of financial opportunities and create even more abundance. Taureans take pride in being self-sufficient, and their material needs are simple but definitely luxurious.
They can be counted on to complete whatever they start and will work steadily towards their materialistic goals not just for the practical sense of ownership but because owning a home or business gives them the stability and peace of mind that permanence affords them.
So, what could possibly be in the Shadow?
The total opposite as the psyche is made up of pairs of opposites. Jung postulated that whatever we are highly identified with, the exact opposite is going to be in our unconscious to the same degree. Therefore, each sign is paired with an opposite and the opposite of Taurus is Scorpio.
Scorpio is erotically sexual, passionate, and intense. This is the sign that rules intrigue, mystery, and constant crisis is not unusual for them as they exhibit the total opposite of the calm, patient, and peacefulness of Taurus. This is the sign most prone to experiencing emotional extremes in their behavior. Often probing, suspicious and paranoid, seeing danger and ulterior motives where none exists. Scorpio can coercively and compulsively manipulate others to dig up the muck of what is below the surface hidden in the underworld of emotions, petty vendettas and feelings but rarely lets on what they feel. Seeking power and control, fears of revealing or being known, this secretiveness can be experienced by their partners as cold, calculating, and icelike.
“Rationalism and superstition are complementary.
It’s a psychological rule that the brighter the light, the blacker the shadow.
In other words, the more rationalistic we are in our conscious minds,
the more alive becomes the spectral world of the unconscious.”
—Carl G. Jung
People Who Are Our Opposites
Opposites need each other to complete what is incomplete in themselves. As we strive more and more toward wholeness, we will be mysteriously drawn only to those people from whom we will learn about ourselves, even though at times that can be rather painful. As a society, as a culture, we tend to minimize the growth and emphasize the pain. But as the saying goes if there is no pain, there is no gain.
To be continued…
Rebeca Eigen
Rebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook specializes in relationships. From every day decisions, to critical life-altering moments, Rebeca shares with you her practical wisdom and guidance for your life’s journey in becoming who you are meant to be.
https://www.shadowdance.com/
