“The ego-conscious personality is only a part of the whole man, and its life does not yet represent his total life. … Since everything living strives for wholeness, the inevitable one-sidedness of our conscious life is continually being corrected and compensated by the universal human being in us, whose goal is the ultimate integration of conscious and unconscious, or better, the assimilation of the ego to a wider personality.”
— Carl Jung, Vol 8, Structure & Dynamics of the Psyche, paragraph 557
Jung postulated that there is a compensatory factor in our psyche designed to compensate when we are out of balance with ourselves. This theory of opposites explains that whatever we believe about ourselves, that is, whatever we are highly identified with, the exact opposite is also true and will be building up in the unconscious in direct proportion to our conscious attitudes and beliefs. These opposing characteristics and qualities he appropriately named “our shadow.” For like our physical shadow, our psychological shadow is hidden from our awareness. The Shadow, again, is everything we refuse to consciously acknowledge about ourselves.
Whenever we become lopsided in our view or overdo any part of our character, our unconscious will begin automatically compensating for us by taking the opposing view. This is nature’s way of keeping us in balance with ourselves. Jung describes it as the counterbalancing, self-correcting instinct within us. As we are growing in self-realization, i.e. individuating, our unconscious is continuously striving for wholeness.
Our dreams can provide help.
Jung believed our dreams are psychic facts. Some people say they do not dream but they do. They just don’t remember their dreams. Even animals dream because you can see them when they are having a dream if they are asleep near you. They will toss and turn and even make noises while asleep indicating they are having a dream.
I encourage everyone to keep a journal and pen near your bed or even a small recorder because if we get up and walk to the bathroom, we can forget the dream quickly. For that reason, it is important to write our dreams down or talk about them as soon as possible. Especially take notice of what he called ‘big dreams.’ You’ll know it is a big dream as it will have archetypal symbolism and can seem like a real story with a plot. That’s how the book Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, written by Robert Louis Stevenson in 1886, came into existence. Written way before Freud and Jung wrote about the unconscious, Robert Louis Stevenson’s dream gave him the story of our dual nature, our alter ego. Freud called dreams ‘the royal road to the unconscious,‘ and Jung called them ‘self-portraits of the psychic life-process.’ Some dreams are more important than others, but they are all important.
“Consequently, the dreams stand in strict contrast to his conscious behavior. They move along a progressive line and take the part of the educator. They clearly reveal their special function. This function I have called compensation. The unconscious progressiveness and the conscious regressiveness together form a pair of opposites which, as it were, keeps the scales balanced.”
— Carl Jung, Two Essays in Analytical Psychology, paragraph 182
So, the first thing is to honor our dreams as a SACRED TASK. Paint them, sketch them, write them down and if at all possible, speak the dream out loud. They are trying to tell us something about us that we don’t know. They are showing us attitudes we have that are hurting us, that are keeping us from becoming our true, authentic self.
Dreams are an experience of the transcendent.
According to Jung, the unconscious will take the same attitude toward you as you do toward it. In his book, Dreams, God’s Forgotten Language, Jungian analyst/Episcopalian Priest, John A. Sanford says, “If we work with our dreams, then we are working with God within us.”
Dreams strive to regulate and modify the affects of our splits, our complexes — including our father and mother complex. Here are two examples of dreams that will make this clearer.
A woman, I will call Jennifer, had a successful import/export business. She had several employees who were actively involved in sales for her company. She had hired one girl in particular whom, I will call Susan, who over time elicited a sense of revulsion. She described this employee as a person who exaggerated her importance and talked incessantly about “who” she knew —the mayor of the city, the richest people in the area, etc. She bragged constantly about her sales ability and generally repulsed Jennifer. It started to drive her nuts so much that, although this girl was doing her job and doing it well, Jennifer wanted to fire her. She couldn’t stand Susan anymore and told me about it.
I came to visit her and stayed with her and her family for a few months as I was writing my workbook. During the time I was there visiting, I noticed Jennifer doing the exact things she was accusing Susan of doing. Her teenage daughter, Amy, and I talked about it, as it became very obvious to both of us, and together we told her. At first, she hotly denied it, but because she was an introspective woman, she said she would think about it.
Things got worse before they got better. Jennifer resented me for pointing it out, but because I was a guest in her home, she couldn’t exactly get rid of me. Then one night during all this, Jennifer had a dream. She dreamed that Susan, her employee, was walking toward her with a cigarette in her hand. Susan took the cigarette and swallowed it. Jennifer took this to mean that her dream was showing her that Susan was obnoxious. “She’s even swallowing cigarettes,” she said to me — which would be a very literal interpretation. The unconscious gave her this dream to show her this figure was inside her, that she was blowing a lot of hot air and she needed to swallow it. In other words, she needed to own it.
It was a great example of a compensatory dream and how the unconscious is offering up a solution for the split-off part of her psyche and made a statement to correct the denial of her conscious mind. From studying Sandford’s book and several more on dreams, I knew that dream figures often represent your shadow, especially when they are a person you can’t stand. It became a touchy subject with Jennifer, so I didn’t tell her what I thought the dream really meant. I let it alone and allowed her to process the information in her own way. Life itself helped her get clear. One night we were all at dinner with a new prospective client. It was Jennifer’s daughter, Amy, myself, her husband and this couple that she was entertaining. Jennifer started doing exactly what she had accused her employee Susan of doing, and her daughter and I looked at each other and smiled. She saw us, and she got it. In that instant, she saw it herself and she stopped.
Susan did exhibit some traits of braggadocio, but it was obnoxious only to Jennifer and no one else at the company. Jennifer would zero in on just that aspect of Susan because it was part of her own shadow.
The next day the three of us went to lunch, and Jennifer admitted to Amy and I that she got it that Susan was a shadow figure inside of her. She also now knew what it meant and why she drew this situation to her. Her mother had often belittled her and made her feel she wasn’t important. Unconsciously, she was compensating for this complex she had been carrying around her entire life. She told us it didn’t matter how successful she became. She knew she could never live up to her mother’s exaggerated expectations. She couldn’t believe it when it got clear.
This is an example of how our Shadow is bringing us important information that can help us heal our parental imagos. Though her mother had already died, that mother complex lived on inside of her until she could relate to it.
I want to stress that this is all of us, not just her. Every one of us is neurotic in some form or fashion. Jung defined a neurosis as ‘self-division.’ In Psychology and Religion, East and West, paragraph 497, Jung said, “A psychoneurosis must be understood, ultimately, as the suffering of a soul which has not discovered its meaning.”
When I was taking classes at the Jung Center, my teacher, Jungian analyst and Episcopal priest, J. Pittman McGehee, D.D., gave us the etymology of the word ‘suffer.’ It comes from the Latin word ferre which means ‘to carry’ and suf means the same as sub which means ‘from below.’ To suffer means to carry something from below. In a quick amplification, we can see it means to stand under which is the beginning of the root of the word understanding. Suffering is the process through which we carry something until we can understand it, and that aha moment evokes the healing of self-divisiveness.
Another dream that also activated a parental complex was one told to me by a good friend of mine. She said, “In my dream, my dad came to visit me. It was after his death, and I was awakened by his kiss on my cheek. As I came to consciousness, I saw him standing there beside my bed wearing a houndstooth, small-plaid shirt. He startled me in this apparition state, and I swatted the bed covers at him, which dissipated the image. Three nights later, my boyfriend came in wearing the same shirt my dad was wearing in my dream! It told me that they were cut from the same cloth!”
This is another example of synchronicity: how the unconscious knows so much more than we are conscious of and will help us if we pay attention to our dreams. The man she was dating was bringing up for her unfinished issues with her dad.
Paying attention to our dreams, writing them down, and making an effort to remember them is the best way to start a relationship with our unconscious. Go inside yourself and start by asking questions like, “Why am I so upset about this?” “What inside of me is like this person I cannot stand?” My favorite question to ask is, “What do you want from me? I want to know.”
“Projections can be withdrawn only when they come within the possible scope of consciousness. Outside that, nothing can be corrected.”
— Carl Jung, Mysterium Conuinctionis, paragraph 697
Cancer – The Mother
The sign of Cancer which is the fourth sign of the zodiac (approximately June 22nd through July 22nd) and developmentally from about eight to twelve years old (adolescence) where we begin to have the ability to contain feelings. Cancers ruled by the Moon (symbolic of our mother) are highly emotional, sympathetic and tender hearted. Cancer’s most important need is to be emotionally close and connected in a loving, caring way offering their loved ones protection and devotion. They enjoy being nurtured too sometimes to the point of being needy, possessive of your time with others and clingy.
This very sentimental sign is the one most concerned with home and family, and to a large degree if you marry a Cancer, you are also marrying their family. Spending quality time with family will be important to them. They are adept at making a comfortable nest, a warm home, a place to belong.
Like the ever-changing Moon, Cancer’s fluctuating moods and feelings can at times overpower them, and they will retreat to their inner world like a crab which is their symbol. Self-protective, tending towards introversion, they will come at you indirectly or sideways like the movements of the crab. They are masters at indirect assertion, but they are still a cardinal sign (outgoing), like Aries, Libra, and Capricorn, only their way is much more sensitive to the feelings of those around them. To be truly happy, they need others to need them — their unique way of offering maternal love, loyalty, and protection.
Now what can be in the Shadow?
The opposite is the sign of Capricorn which describes the Father principal, the one who is strict, an authority figure, the boss. Unlike Cancers who willingly express their need others, Capricorns pride themselves on not needing anyone so that they can be in control. Rigidly serious at times, stoic and rather conservative in their outlook, they are a sign that is more prone to withholding displays of emotional affection.
Capricorns value tradition because it is a learned response to their fears of failure. Their greatest fear is not living up to the status quo and often fight depression as they know what they have lived up to, and how far they still have to go. Although appearances in society and financial concerns motivate them to work hard, their strongest need is for power. They strive to be the one in charge leaving little time for home and family. On their relentless rise to the top, achievement comes first, and they often judge people by their prestige or position in society. They have a reputation of being emotionally distant and reserved, sometimes even demanding, harsh and cruel if you are not stepping up to the plate where business or achievement is concerned. They expect perfection, which doesn’t exist, and can be hard on themselves and everyone around them.
“Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the confrontation with the Shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” — Carl Jung, CW 13:335, Alchemical Studies
It’s a good idea to remember that from an analytical psychology point of view, wholeness is unattainable but it’s constantly pulling us forward to become more and more conscious. As we continue to reflect on our experiences, we become more integrated and more compassionate with our imperfect selves. We all have a long way to go. When we do discover a shadow quality, we can be more understanding of ourselves and this, in turn, will give us the compassion we need when others mess up. I stated this in one of my talks once, that the only person who can forgive is the one who knows he or she too is in need of forgiveness.
To be continued …
Rebeca Eigen
Rebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook specializes in relationships. From every day decisions, to critical life-altering moments, Rebeca shares with you her practical wisdom and guidance for your life’s journey in becoming who you are meant to be.
https://www.shadowdance.com/
