Best Friends in the Age of Aquarius
Part 2
The Pisces Age is over. Sacrificing, suffering in silence and being martyrs in order to stay in a relationship will not work anymore. The Aquarian Age goal for relating, as I see it, is to become best friends. First, find out if that person is willing to be in a reciprocal relationship. That means no one is doing all the giving or receiving. They understand there has to be balance between your needs and their needs. In their interaction with you, they demonstrate the values of sincerity in their communication, compromise, cooperation and when necessary, they are willing to take turns with you.
Acquaintance – friendship – dating – commitment, then sex is the order that I feel is important for a healthy relationship. We can’t skip any of these steps. When we are exploring friendship and dating, we find out a lot about the person. We may or may not want to continue into a committed situation. After being good friends and dating for at least six months or longer, we are more grounded and possibly ready to deal with commitment and sexual intimacy. Otherwise, we are having sex with a stranger. When we prematurely become sexually intimate, it actually prevents us from getting to know people. Too much fear enters the situation. Often, one person has the upper hand and that is not what best friends are about. The focus then becomes the need to feel secure in the situation, instead of how we can get to know who this person is or whether we can have a good partnership with them.
When we are compulsively or magnetically drawn to anyone, it is inevitable that there is an element of projection. Each person must ask themselves, “How much more can I learn about myself through this person?” “What am I projecting onto them?” None of us knows everything there is to know about ourselves. So much of our character is unconscious. It is a life’s work to become all of who we are meant to be. If we can approach our relationships as catalysts for healing and growth, then we will take more time to learn about the person that the Universe has arranged to cross our path. The unconscious of each person has brought them to each other as they both have similar energy or they wouldn’t even be drawn to know each other. Keeping in mind that what is unconscious in us, we will be both fascinated or repulsed by in a partner, and it will repeat in our relationships.
An interesting quote by the poet, Edna St. Vincent Millay is, “Life is not one damn thing after another. It’s the same damn thing, over and over.” It’s humorous, but so true.
Gods and Goddesses cannot be personified in human beings. Every “God” is a planet that lives an archetype through us. Just like in a community, we all need a place to belong, the same is true for our internal actors and actresses. We project parts of ourselves onto others believing they have what we are missing but that projected life has to be consciously rediscovered in ourselves.
In time, slowly both partners will inevitably begin to remove their masks/personas as they communicate honestly. Both must be willing to see the light side and the dark side. We all have both faults/flaws and outstanding traits/virtues. We seem to be a lot alike when we first meet and energy wise, we are a lot alike. We are magnetically drawn to that likeness, but we also have differences. Those differences are unique to each individual. As part of our individuation, we must go through what the Alchemists called a seperatio (a separation) where we can objectify and see our differences. This separation is not about divorce or leaving a relationship we are in; it’s about becoming psychologically conscious of who each other is as distinct from ourselves and not being threatened by those differences.
Looking at relationships in this psycho-spiritual way gives us a lot more choices for continued growth and a higher purpose for our union. We develop self-compassion for our mistakes and those of others. If we do make a mistake, we apologize. We are accountable because we have integrity. Integrity comes from the root word integer which means a number that is complete. It cannot be divided against itself. To have integrity means that we are undivided. Integrity comes from having a strong ego, not a big ego. A big ego cannot let go of its pride and come clean with the other person. This is why Carl Jung advocated ego development as the first stage of psychotherapy to facilitate the individuation process.
Freedom and truth are what the Age of Aquarius is about. If you tell your partner the truth (even if it makes you vulnerable), then what you will have is a REAL relationship; one that will help you grow. The more authentic you are with each other, the less walls you will build. Striving to become conscious of our total selves, we also allow our partners to be themselves, not who or what we want them to be. Pushing them to be what we want is more akin to domination or possession and the antithesis of freedom.
This kind of authenticity between partners holds the promise of interdependency. It’s a dance between two souls who bring their individuality to the table. There is an acceptance for your real self not your fake self ( persona/mask). When we can honestly say to each other, “No matter what side of you comes out, I am not leaving,” we are truly each other’s best friend. I am not talking here about toxic, abusive, pathological behavior. I am talking about idiosyncrasies, traits and habits we all have that can at times drive us up a wall. With our best friend, we develop a capacity for patience, tolerance, and forgiveness.
Unless the opposites are constellated and brought to consciousness, they can never be united. As we are proceeding in our efforts to know each other deeply, the shadow in each will come forward. We can at this juncture become aware that what is conscious in one person can be unconscious and undeveloped in the other. Although we did not know it, this was a choice made at the very beginning when we first met. In the Age of Aquarius, we are headed for a time where collectively we each embrace our unconscious shadows and learn about the contra-sexual images (Anima/Animus) in the psyche. Our relationships will not have to carry that burden for us. These inner dimensions of our soul lead us to a relationship with what Jung called the Self, which is the ultimate goal.
Seeing and relating to our shadow is always the starting point to going into our unconscious to discover and experience what Ed Edinger in his book, Ego and Archetype called the ego/Self axis. We can’t get there any other way. Skipping this part of the process will short-circuit us. Then we will have to start all over again with another person as becoming conscious takes the outer mirror of relationship to reflect our shadow back to us. Doing this work is not easy, but it is so worth it, if we want to be whole.
We can choose not to involve ourselves in shadow work. We can buy more stuff, eat more, drink more, shop more, swap one relationship for another. There is a plethora of outer world distractions to assuage our pain and feelings that we are missing something important. Yes, ourselves! Even money, success or power can only temporarily satisfy, but all eventually becomes empty when we do not establish a relationship between our ego and our Self.
The Transpersonal Center — The Self
“There is in the unconscious a transpersonal center of latent consciousness and obscure intentionality. The discovery of this center, which Jung called the Self, is like the discovery of extraterrestrial intelligence. Man is no longer alone in the psyche and in the cosmos. The vicissitudes of life take on new and enlarged meaning. Dreams, fantasies, illness, accident and coincidence become potential messages from the unseen partner within whom we share our life.”
— Edward F. Edinger, Preface, Encounter With the Self
This transpersonal partner that is living within us, guides us when we seek guidance, as well as ignoring us when we don’t. If our ego believes what we know about ourselves is all there is, then we are separate from our inner source. Our task therefore is to begin a direct dialogue with this internal partner that Carl Jung called the Self, the imago dei (God Within). In Answer to Job, Jung described this as a profoundly psychological experience, not as a metaphysical deity. Irrespective of religion, race, dogma or creed, this interior source is the same for everyone.
We develop this relationship with the Self by recording our dreams, journaling, using active imagination and taking shadow work seriously. Synchronicities and messages from this inner partner start happening that bring untold joy as we will know without a doubt we are connected. Then our ethics, moral behavior, our desire for the good is not because an “ism” tells us this is what we should conform to in order to be accepted by society. We have more than that, as now we have our own experience of God within. Nothing in the material world and no one can take that away from us.
You will also discover that the God image is an antimony (has a dark and light side). Paradoxically, as it says in the Bible, it rains on the just and the unjust. We become aware that it can interfere with us any time it wants to, especially if we are choosing to remain unconscious. It behooves us to allow this part of us to lead by subordinating our ego to this transpersonal center.
“Therefore the individual who wishes to have an answer to the problem of evil, as it is posed today, has need, first and foremost of self-knowledge, that is, the utmost possible knowledge of his own wholeness. He must know relentlessly how much good he can do, and what crimes he is capable of, and must beware of regarding the one as real and the other as illusion. Both are elements within his nature, and both are bound to come to light in him, should he wish — as he ought — to live without self-deception or self-delusion.”
—Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections, paragraph 330
Even more important, the Self is divinating through us so everyone of us counts. Jung believed that each individual doing his or her inner work is what would change the collective unconscious. He said, “I would rather be real than good.”
What the Alchemists discovered, Jung elaborated on in his major works especially AION, Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self and three volumes on Alchemy. We are actually the ones evolving the God image (what we each imagine God to be) through our willingness to become conscious.
”God is a mystery, and everything we say about it is said and believed by human beings. We make images and concepts, and when I speak of God I always mean the image man has made of him. But no one knows what he is like, or he would be a god himself.”
— Carl Jung, The Letters, Volume 2, paragraph 384
Everyone has an archetypal desire to connect with the God image inside of us. As best friends, we can help each other see our own divinity and allow each other to be human. To be human means that we accept all of ourselves, including our humanity. We come together to be a mirror for each other, to lead each other to our own soul. This is what soul mates are to me. It’s about making soul together. You can’t be God for me. I can’t be God for you. By utilizing our astrological birth charts as we do our shadow work together, we can learn more about ourselves and each other.
King and Queen, Male and Female, Sun and Moon, Libra and Aries are all symbolic of the mystical marriage, the Hieros gamos. The Alchemists called the end result of this process the Coniunctio which means the union of opposites. This is what shadow work will lead us to if we are sincere. The Alchemists taught us that when you undertake this journey and sacred task, you have to be sincere and honest with yourself. You need to know what the left hand and the right hand is doing in every situation. Situations, relationships and events will repeat until you get an “AHA” experience. It will blow through you and you will see it all as a dance. The Alchemists called it The Golden Game. In The Tavistock Lectures, Jung says,
“I call this fourth stage of the therapy of transference the objectivation of impersonal images. It is an essential part of the process of individuation. Its goal is to detach consciousness from the object so that the individual no longer places the guarantee of his happiness, or of his life even, in factors outside himself, whether they be persons, ideas, or circumstances, but comes to realize that everything depends on whether he holds the treasure or not. If the possession of that gold is realized, then the center of gravity is in the individual and no longer in an object on which he depends. To reach such a condition of detachment is the aim of Eastern practices, and it is also the aim of all the teachings of the Church.”
— Carl G. Jung, The Tavistock Lectures, paragraph 186
Does your inner self talk to you soothingly with love? Can you write in your journal and process your feelings and stay centered when something happens in the outer world to upset you. For further guidance, I even consult the I Ching, The Runes or the Tarot as these divination tools work directly with our own unconscious. I have found them to be dead on when I seek guidance. It’s as if that invisible other inside us is arranging the coins for us or pulls the rune out that addresses our exact question. My favorites are the I Ching by R.L. Wing and The Runes by Ralph Blum. Yesterday, I asked what the unconscious was wanting from me at this particular time. As I am working on these last two articles for this series, I synchronistically took out the Rune ”Partnership.”
What we can each do with our best friend:
1) We can help each other create this important connection to the divine within which will change both our way of being in the world, as well as our worldview.
2) We can each commit to our psycho-spiritual growth. As best friends, we trust each other’s word and we create a safe space, a temenos, because we know we have each other’s back.
3) We love each other and ourselves in freedom and truth. We are free to be real, not just ideal.
As we dissolve the fusion fantasies of the Piscean Age, we are no longer lop-sided. We become less driven by unconscious compulsions, less artificial and more genuine. We agree to come to the middle in disputes through honest and authentic communication. Our self-esteem grows because it is based on our whole self — acknowledging our weaknesses and our strengths. Our conscience, ethics and morality become more reliable when we know that achieving union with God within is our mutual goal.
Our relationships improves drastically because our ideals become livable. We know that in every opposite extreme we encounter in each other, there is also the potential to become what we are projecting for good or ill. To stay connected and conscious, we up our level of curiosity, asking questions and listening to each other’s truth. If we are getting a huge charge, we recognize something has been thrust out by our own unconscious because it wants us to express our real feelings and fears. Instead of playing the victim, we ask what does this situation want from me? For what purpose is this experience? What is it leading to? When we can understand the meaning, we can forgive easier and may be able to then ask ourselves what in me has to become conscious?
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of love.”
— J. Pittman McGehee, D.D.
Rebeca Eigen
Rebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook specializes in relationships. From every day decisions, to critical life-altering moments, Rebeca shares with you her practical wisdom and guidance for your life’s journey in becoming who you are meant to be.
https://www.shadowdance.com/
