In the years 2008-2010, I was involved in a mastermind (prayer and visualization) group with three friends. The four of us came together weekly and we were all very close. In the summer of 2010, I went on a book signing/speaking trip to Florida for my Workbook. Before I left on this trip, I responded to an email from one of my friends who was complaining about the economy. Back then, I had some rather large clients, two of them being Exxon Chemical and Oceaneering International, so it was a very lucrative time in my career as a graphic designer. In my email to him, I said, “Things are not as bad as they seem.”
He decided my statement was insensitive and became furious with me! He emailed me back, “Do you read the news? I just lost a lot of money in my savings because of the 2008 stock market crash, and now it’s getting worse.” I emailed him back a response. This went back and forth two more times. He accused me of being sarcastic in my second email because I wrote, “I don’t know all the stuff you know about the stock market,” which was actually true. I really wasn’t being sarcastic. In his third email (which was eight pages), I was blasted about the state of affairs of the entire U.S. financial markets. The stock market was something, I paid no attention to, so honestly I didn’t know what he was talking about.
As I was pondering how to respond to him and feeling annoyed by his misinterpretations, a red cardinal came to the sliding glass door and started pecking at its image in the glass. As soon as this bright RED bird came to the glass, I got it that my friend and I were shadow boxing. I knew what a red cardinal stood for symbolically. I live my life by paying attention to the symbols and archetypal correspondences that are all around us. Red is symbolic of anger number one, and it was pecking at itself in the mirror of the glass, number two. This experience immediately softened me. I remembered our very long friendship. What at first was a feeling of annoyance and irritation changed into loving thoughts about what a good friend he was. As soon as I changed my thoughts, none of what we were emailing to each other about mattered. What mattered was our friendship and our love for each other. I experienced a “metanoia.” Metanoia in simple terms means a turnaround. We feel a change of heart and consequently change our minds.
Looking at life symbolically, Jung’s concepts of shadow work and keeping a continuous relationship with the Self, God within becomes a way of being in the world. Healing and depotentiating (taking the escalating negativity out) of our relationship issues with others is the result of dedicated and consistent shadow work. We need their mirrors as it takes two to do this work. Even more important is our connection to the Divine, synonymous with the unconscious, where our archetypal foundation resides.
Instead of sending him another email, I picked up the phone and called. I said, “Jim, I am sorry if what I said was hurtful to you in any way. I just want you to know that I love you and value our friendship and none of this matters to me more than that,” and he said, “Rebeca, I love you too.” Then we were able to listen to each other, and he could understand I truly was ignorant about the stock market and how it works. I too, could now hear his grievances sympathetically and put myself in his shoes. As we communicated our love for each other, neither of us needed to be right anymore. Nor did we have to continue to condemn the other for what we said or did. It was resolved with no hard feelings.
We also acknowledged that we were two good friends who trusted each other enough to have a fight in the first place. We both said we appreciated that we could be honest and work through our differences. The best friends in your life will be like that. Sadly for both of us, our friendship eventually ended because he decided he could tell me who I should not date or have in my life. He meant well, but he was taking on a paternal role with me that I didn’t welcome. Although he was right and eventually that relationship did not become a romantic partner; it did not end the way he thought it would. I am still friends with the man I loved for 15 plus years and in our long-term relationship, I learned to be a man’s best friend which was very valuable. I have many fond memories of the love I shared with both of these men. Jim and I parted ways because he could not accept my decision to continue my relationship. Therefore, he left my life, but will always remain in my heart.
Pay attention to the numinosity of synchronicities occurring in your own life. Numinous is a term that came from Rudolf Otto in his book, The Idea of the Holy. Numen means light and nous means a divine principle. The presence of a connection with the Divine will be felt in your whole body as goosebumps. One of my dear clients, who became a good friend appreciatively calls them, truth bumps.
I will never forget these experiences. They demonstrate that we are connected to the Self with a capital “S” as Jung called God within, the Force, the Cosmos, whatever you want to call the transpersonal center that resides within everyone. When you are willing to do “shadow work,” you are guaranteed messages and synchronicities. They come in many forms — symbols, dreams, what people say to us, events that repeat, new revelations, encounters at just the right time, even illness, accidents and defeat, etc. There are numerous ways the Self speaks to us.
To paraphrase Jung, he said, if you work with your unconscious, your unconscious will work with you. At the same time, if you ignore it, it will ignore you.
He said, “If attention is directed to the unconscious, the unconscious will yield up its contents, and these in turn will fructify the conscious like a fountain of living water. For consciousness is just as arid as the unconscious if the two halves of our psychic life are separated.” 1
“This process of coming to terms with the Other in us is well worth while, because in this way we get to know aspects of our nature which we would not allow anybody else to show us and which we ourselves would never have admitted. It is very important to fix the whole procedure in writing at the time of its occurrence, for you then have ocular evidence that will effectively counteract the ever-ready tendency to self-deception. A running commentary is absolutely necessary in dealing with the shadow, because otherwise it’s actuality cannot be fixed. Only in this painful way is it possible to gain a positive insight into the complex nature of one’s own personality.”2
Messages from the Self are not always ego enhancing. Sometimes they are urging us to pay attention and process the difficult acceptance of our unconscious infantile, power striving, inflated or undeveloped parts which we all have. Suffice to say, it is worth it to know that we are being guided daily and that we can process our shadow with the help of the one who knows us the most — the Self.
Trust the Cosmos that we are evolving — although sometimes (especially now) you can get discouraged when you do not understand the world and its current chaos. Regardless of what is happening in the outer world, what we can discover and revere in our inner world contributes to our self-knowledge. We can’t change anything we do not know. At the same time, Jung believe the inner work that we do individually contributes to the collective unconscious where our epoch is created. The Alchemists believed our moral striving for self-honesty adds to God’s wholeness, the God image. Jung devoted three volumes of his collected works to Alchemy.
The reason I continue to teach others about shadow work is that it is our first entrance into our own unconscious. How can we love others, when we cannot love our selves — our many selves, the light and the dark sides of us. In learning about our lost or hidden from our awareness shadow parts, we can embrace our humanity for the much needed balance of our totality. When you are ready to start the process to wholeness, you will find out by direct experiences that you were never alone.
Rebeca Eigen
Rebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook specializes in relationships. From every day decisions, to critical life-altering moments, Rebeca shares with you her practical wisdom and guidance for your life’s journey in becoming who you are meant to be.
https://www.shadowdance.com/
I am now teaching Six Week Relationship Intensives as both Zoom Webinars and In-Person Workshops in the Houston area (CST). Visit my web site at shadowdance.com for a current schedule of events or to see the many consultations and shadow work available utilizing your birth chart for guidance.
1 Jung, Carl Mysterium Conuinctionis, Vol. 14 paragraph 193
2 Jung, Carl Mysterium Conuinctionis, Vol. 14 paragraph 706
