An important aspect of Carl Jung’s work included using dreams to show us attitudes that are the exact opposite of what we identify with, because dreams are often compensatory. Here’s a true story that will make this more clear.
A woman I will call Jennifer had a successful import/export business. She hired one girl in particular whom I will call Susan. After working with Susan for awhile, she could not stand the sight of her. Jennifer described this employee as a person who exaggerated her importance and talked incessantly about “who” she knew — the mayor of the city, the richest people in the area, etc. She bragged constantly about her sales ability and generally repulsed Jennifer. It started to drive her nuts, so much so that, although this girl was doing her job and doing it well, Jennifer wanted to fire her. She couldn’t stand Susan anymore and told me so. I was visiting her and her family for 3 months. While there, I noticed Jennifer doing the exact things she was accusing Susan of doing. Her teenage daughter, Amy, and I talked about it, as it became obvious to both of us, and together we told her. At first, she hotly denied it, but because she was an introspective woman, she said she would think about it.
The Compensating Dream
Things got worse before they got better. Jennifer resented me for pointing it out, but because I was a guest in her home, she couldn’t exactly get rid of me. Then one night during all this, Jennifer had a dream. She dreamed that Susan, her employee, was walking toward her with a cigarette in her hand. Susan took the cigarette and swallowed it. Jennifer took this to mean that her dream was showing her that Susan was obnoxious. “She’s even swallowing cigarettes,” she said to me — which would be a very literal interpretation. The unconscious gave her this dream to show her this figure was inside her, that she was blowing a lot of hot air and she needed to swallow it. In other words, she needed to own it.
It was a great example of how the compensatory dream was making a statement to correct the denial of her conscious mind. From studying Jung’s theory of dreams, I knew that dream figures often represent your Shadow, especially when they are a person you can’t stand.
It became a touchy subject with Jennifer, so I didn’t tell her what I thought the dream really meant. I let it alone and allowed her to process the information in her own way. Life itself helped her see it clearly. One night we were all at dinner with a new prospective client. It was Jennifer’s daughter, Amy, myself, her husband and a couple that she was entertaining. Jennifer started doing exactly what she had accused her employee Susan of doing, and her daughter and I looked at each other and smiled. She saw us, and she got it. In that instant, she saw it herself and she stopped. Susan did exhibit some traits of braggadocio, but it was obnoxious only to Jennifer and no one else at the company. Jennifer would zero in on just that aspect of Susan because it was part of her own Shadow.
The next day the three of us went to lunch, and Jennifer admitted to Amy and I that she got it that Susan was a Shadow figure inside of her. She also now knew what it meant and why she drew this situation to her. Her mother had often belittled her and made her feel she wasn’t important. Unconsciously, she was compensating for this complex she had been carrying around her entire life. She told us it didn’t matter how successful she became. She knew she could never live up to her mother’s exaggerated expectations. She couldn’t believe it when it became clear.
This is also a great example of how our Shadow holds important information that can help us heal our parental imagos. Though her mother had died, that mother complex lived on inside of her until she could relate to it.
A dream represents the dreamer’s situation as it is, externally or internally or both; and it compensates the one-sidedness of the conscious view, that is, it relates a message which is unknown to the dreamer but is potentially vital and in need of being known.
Edward C. Whitmont, The Symbolic Quest
Forgiving Our Parents
When we cannot forgive our parents, we are destined to repeat many of their fears and failures and even live their unlived life. Our parents were human beings who had a light and dark side. We will gain from knowing that we are everything we wish they weren’t. Through self-awareness, you can make an effort to change the patterns that you’ve inherited or resolve the hurt that you experienced through your relationship with them. Most important, you can begin to accept this aspect of yourself. Otherwise, you will continually project it onto others. The awareness for Jennifer felt truly liberating. As soon as she could take the projection back, her animosity towards Susan was completely gone! This has happened to me in my own life and it showed me the importance of doing this work and it is ongoing.
(an excerpt from the Workbook)
Shadow Work becomes a way of being in the world.
Rebeca Eigen
Rebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook specializes in relationships. From every day decisions, to critical life-altering moments, Rebeca shares with you her practical wisdom and guidance for your life’s journey in becoming who you are meant to be.
https://www.shadowdance.com/
