Maybe in your complex life experiences, you had to finally take the steps to love and take care of yourself. You found the courage to walk away from psychological abuse after person number three was emotionally badgering you, using you financially or maintaining another relationship behind your back. You may have even felt like a victim in these situations when they were over. When you look back, you realize the experiences were part of the ongoing relationship from day one. By being in denial, you refused to see it and naively thought you could change the other person over time.
Maybe you went through the complete opposite — stick it out and take responsibility for a repeating pattern as you recognized that yes, you’re doing the same thing yourself. An example of that would be self-centered, controlling behavior or anger which are commonly projected. Kudos to you — big insight! It takes a strong ego to have the courage to recognize that the mirrors being held up by others are indeed purposeful. We not only project negative qualities but also what Carl Jung called our Gold. These are positive qualities we see at first only in them. We project some of the most noble, kind and wise parts of ourselves onto others.
Or maybe you set it up unconsciously to keep trying to change a parent by marrying a partner who turns out to be exactly like your mother or father. This may seem impossible, but it is extremely common in first marriages. It can also happen again as we may marry one parent and then the other one. There is or was (if they are deceased) an unconscious collusion that they had in their own relationship. They were two people polarized into extremes. Usually, we inherit their relationship patterns ourselves. Getting to a place of consciousness about this is profound and eye opening. It makes you recognize the inherent dynamic impetus in everyone to evolve. What they could not work out, we are destined to try to work out ourselves.
Patterns exist because they are inherent in our own Astrology (psychology) that we inherited from our parents. As we have all heard at one time or another, like attracts like and opposites attract. Our shadow holds the keys to why this statement is true. The hardest part is seeing what is going on within us as we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. To acknowledge that we are not victims of fate is a difficult undertaking. However, it is the only way we will grow and change.
After studying Astrology for 25+ years, I have found that when a person becomes aware of the energy (the planets and sign on the cusp) of their 7th and 8th houses, they can make a conscious effort to embrace their split-off parts of the psyche that often, at least in the first half of life, get projected. That isn’t the only place we project but the nature of these two houses is we can’t effectively see or live them out without other people.
The 7th House in our birth chart is 180˚˚ opposite our 1st house. It is called the house of marriage, partnerships and open enemies. Yes, the ancients called our partners enemies because the person we get into relationship with will have to suffer to become our shadow if we do not know about this part of our character. All relationships begin with the projection of our unconscious contents. This is the primary reason we are attracted to anyone. Our inner beloved wants to be known.
What happens or has happened in our past relationships that is painfully repeating is intended to help us make the conscious effort to embrace the opposite for our own benefit. This is a juncture where a diligent pursuit of shadow work and/or learning about our Astrology can be enlightening and liberating.
The Self (God within, Carl Jung preferred the term, the imago dei) chooses the perfect person to help us individuate (become whole and complete). This takes time and no one does it overnight. Our psyche requires experiences to repeat and they will get difficult to the degree we blame others and refuse to look at ourselves. We will only be attracted to those who can fulfill this task with us because we both have remarkably similar energy. Both people are pushing something out of their awareness that they need for balance and wholeness.
“Well, you see everything occurs on the exterior at first. The psyche is all found on the outside — that’s where the alchemists found it, and tribal societies even more so. It’s all outside initially, because the outside and the unconscious are effectively the same thing. Whatever is unconscious is exteriorized or at least available for exteriorization via projection. we’re constantly going through the world gathering up fragments of our own exteriorized psyche — taking back projections — and we discover where they are by our reactions, either positive or negative. Whenever we come across something that evokes a response, that means a piece of own psyche is out there. So we go wandering around with our bags collecting these things.”
— Edward F. Edinger, Mystery of the Conuinctio, Alchemical Images of Individuation, pg 87
Over time, in our intimate relationships we come face-to-face with our complexes and especially the one {that is the NOT I} called the shadow. The reason for many divorces is that people give up when they become two polarized extremes. Instead of doing the introspective work of making their shadow conscious and confronting their situation honestly, they run away in search of another Anima or Animus projection. It takes two to communicate authentically and commit to the process of individuation. The 7th House is an air house. Air = communication and objectivity. We can learn to balance the opposites occurring in the shadow dance and rewrite our story together.
Rebeca Eigen
Rebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook specializes in relationships. From every day decisions, to critical life-altering moments, Rebeca shares with you her practical wisdom and guidance for your life’s journey in becoming who you are meant to be.
https://www.shadowdance.com/
