Most of us have heard the term projection by now, but what people do not realize is that we are not the ones who is projecting. It is not something that we do of our own volition. It is our unconscious that projects itself out onto the other person. This psychological phenomenon is what we are experiencing all the time, and it is especially important that we understand what is happening when it comes to the mating experience.

As part of our initial ego development, we each seek to embody a certain image of what we want to be and all the characteristics that could have become part of our conscious personality that we rejected early on constitute our shadow.

The sign of Virgo which is the sixth sign of the zodiac (approximately August 24th through September 23rd), and developmentally it is approximately from the ages of nineteen to twenty-six. In this insecure time of our development, we are just beginning to learn the necessary skills that will help us become productive members of society. Virgos worry obsessively about making mistakes, so their concerns are to become the efficiency expert at a chosen vocation or craft.

It is like decoding the Self to be able to see your birth chart and your partners and then talk about it. So many misunderstandings have to do with being convinced that our partners are making a mistake or doing something we think is wrong when they are only following their own unique internal energy, their most dominant elements or functions.

On the drive home from my daughter’s piano recital in Denver today, my family got caught up intently listening to an NPR program on ‘The Logic of Rage’. Several mild-mannered people told stories of how they were triggered into pure rage. So much so, that they felt like an outsider watching themselves as they lashed out in one way or another.

“The ego-conscious personality is only a part of the whole man, and its life does not yet represent his total life. … Since everything living strives for wholeness, the inevitable one-sidedness of our conscious life is continually being corrected and compensated by the universal human being in us, whose goal is the ultimate integration of conscious and unconscious, or better, the assimilation of the ego to a wider personality.”

This means that all of our emotions and beliefs are still there even if we decide to ignore them in the moment. They don’t leave us. They stay within us but become invisible to us. In mythology, this is represented by the Greek god Hades, or the Roman god Pluto, who wore a helmet that made him invisible to mortals.

“Projection? You project. I am objective. I observe.” That’s our ego talking to us or someone else. The actuality is our ego develops slowly in increments and is often barricaded behind a belief that it is the center of our psyche and that it always knows who we are and what our motives are.

Our relationships are probably the best training grounds for wholeness that we can possibly encounter. It is hard, if not impossible, to see yourself in a vacuum all by yourself.

Have you ever wondered why you are attracted to the people that you get seriously involved with?